


Show Me Hope Again

by iamladyloki



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Also mention of Anakin and Padme as advisers from beyond the grave, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren Redemption, Lando makes a brief appearance, Leia and Ben reunion, Planet Naboo (Star Wars), Rey's smile saves the galaxy, Tatooine, but mostly here for the ben solo pain train, lightsaber building, mention of Ahsoka, mention of Amilyn Badass Holdo, okay but for real this is me we're talking about so there is definitely some fluff in here too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-23
Updated: 2018-02-23
Packaged: 2019-03-17 05:45:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13652637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamladyloki/pseuds/iamladyloki
Summary: Ben Solo was the Supreme Leader. Everything he'd always wanted was in his grasp, yet he had lost everything in return. With the Force still connecting him to Rey, Ben must grapple with his past decisions and decide what he wants for his future.





	Show Me Hope Again

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DancingCrimson](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DancingCrimson/gifts).



When Ben had woken on the ruined Supremacy to find Rey gone, the feeling of betrayal that had coursed through his veins had consumed him. He didn’t know why he ever thought she would stand by his side. Of course, she said no to ruling with him. Of course, she took his grandfather’s lightsaber and then left in Snoke’s escape pod. Of course, she went back to the Resistance and left him behind among the ruins.

But she left him alive. That was _something_ , Ben thought. She had every opportunity to snuff him out while he’d been unconscious, but she didn’t. The way she had looked at him when the Force connected them on Crait still made him feel such pain and emptiness. And maybe even a little shame. There hadn’t been hate in her eyes, only disappointment. Maybe...maybe…

Ben was jerked out of his thoughts by the sound of approaching footsteps. He was sitting in one of the few places that afforded the new Supreme Leader privacy on the Finalizer. A good portion of the First Order members who had been on the Supremacy had relocated to the Finalizer, much to the displeasure of Captain Peavey. Peavey despised Hux nearly as much as Ben did. There was mass confusion and numerous rumors within the First Order over the death of Supreme Leader Snoke, and how Kylo Ren, master of the Knights of Ren and apprentice to Snoke, had taken up his mantle. He was prepared to clear any confusion.

General Hux rounded the corner, and Ben fought to keep his lip from curling in distaste. Hux seemed to feel the same way about looking at Kylo, for the look on his face was one Ben would expect him to wear if he stepped on shit.

“Supreme Leader,” Hux said, his tone suggesting that he had to force Ben’s new title out of his mouth. “They are ready for you now.”

Ben stood, clenching his glove-clad hands into fists. Hux was one to watch; he was more likely to stab him in the back than anyone in the Resistance. Ben knew the rumor about what Hux had done to his father, Brendol Hux, in order to ascend in power. Ben knew his lie about Snoke’s death had been shaky; how was it that Rey could have defeated Snoke, Kylo Ren, _and_ the Praetorian guards on her own? Regardless, Ben hoped that Hux’s fear of his Force abilities would be enough to keep him in check. Ben made himself as physically imposing as possible, squaring his shoulders and standing at full height. Hux’s only response was to swallow nervously and lead the way.

He was led to a room where a camera was set up, ready to distribute the new Supreme Leader’s message to the entirety of the First Order. He wished more than ever that he hadn’t destroyed his mask. When they signalled for him to begin speaking, Kylo Ren stood in his most intimidating posture, telling the First Order that Snoke had been killed by someone who hated the First Order and that he had picked up the mantle, and that questioning his leadership would amount to treason. He kept his tone firm, with an undercurrent of danger that would hopefully keep too many people from questioning his position of power.

By the end of his speech, the room had gone quiet. It took him a moment to realize that it was because Rey was standing beside the camera, looking at him with a mixture of disappointment and sadness. He could see the tears misting her eyes; why was it that nearly every interaction they had, he inevitably caused her to shed a tear or two?

Ben was thankful that the camera had already stopped broadcasting to the entirety of the First Order, for he knew his expression held one of loss and betrayal. He stormed off, shoving past the camera operator and Hux, heading straight to his small quarters. He needed to get off of this ship, away from the power-hungry weasels that he constantly needed to have his guard up around.

As soon as the door to his quarters shut, he turned to face her. At least she had followed him. Anger was rolling off her in waves, any hint of unshed tears gone. Her hands were fisted at her sides, her brow furrowed in an expression that he couldn’t help but find...cute. Why was she so mad at him? She was the one who betrayed _him_ . She was the one who abandoned _him_. He was the one who had the right to be angry.

She was the first to speak. “I thought you wanted to let old things die,” Rey said, her voice no more than a hiss. “That looked a lot like the old you.”

“You left me,” Ben said, unable to disguise the hurt in his voice. It’s not what he meant to say when he opened his mouth, but regardless, it was the truth.

“You gave me no choice, Kylo,” Rey said. Ben flinched at the use of his moniker, but she didn’t seem to notice. She continued, gesturing with her arms for emphasis, “Do you really think that you are going to save the galaxy by being Supreme Leader? Do you think me ruling by your side would have solved anything? Do you _really_ think it is so simple? There is no panacea for the galaxy.”

“I know that,” Ben said, snarling. He turned away from her for a moment, trying to reel in his anger. He clenched his hands into fists, fighting the urge to turn on his lightsaber and break things. He wanted to cup Rey’s face and apologize for how he reacted to her rejection on the Supremacy. He could do neither, so instead he deflated slightly, relaxing his hands and sighing. He said, “I’m going to do things differently. Rey...” He stopped himself, not knowing why he felt like he had to defend his actions to her. He turned to face her.

Staring into Rey’s pained eyes, he suddenly felt acceptance settle in his chest. Rey had touched his soul, his Force signature, his very essence. She was his equal in the Light. They were connected through the very foundation of existence. That had to mean something.

They were on opposite sides of a never-ending war, and as long as that was the case, Ben would never be able to be content. It was too late for him, he realized. He had always turned away from the Light because it only ever brought him pain. But so did the Dark. At least with the Dark he had power, and he could wield it in a way to benefit the galaxy. His Dark Side power was equal to Rey’s in the Light, and that had to mean something.

It might be too late for Ben Solo, but it wasn’t too late for Rey. She could bring balance to the Force - bring order to the galaxy - in a way that he never could. She was the symbol that the galaxy needed, not him. It should have been her commanding the First Order. No...she should have dismantled the very system that led to such galaxy-wide grief.

“You could have saved us all,” Rey said, shaking her head sadly.

The Force disconnected them, leaving Ben alone in his compact quarters on a First Order Star Destroyer. He roared at the loss. Damning his attempt to be level-headed, he ignited his saber and sliced through his furniture, until the emotions had been purged from his body and he was left with splintered metal, tear tracks on his cheeks, and an empty feeling in his heart.

* * *

The next time he saw her, Rey was in a backless pale gown, a jewelled headpiece around a single bun on the crown of her head that reminded Ben of his mother’s Alderaanian hairstyles. Rey was so exquisite that he couldn’t breathe; he could only stare in wonder that someone so beautiful existed. She was the epitome of the Light. She was dancing with someone that he couldn’t see, moving in fast circles with a smile on her face. He ached to be the one leading her, one hand on her hip, fingers laced together with the other, on the receiving end of that beautiful toothy grin. He lost that chance when he chose power. When he chose Snoke’s way.

_It’s time to let old things die._

He hadn’t included the First Order in his proposal to Rey. He should have. He should have found a way to dismantle the First Order for good. The deep sense of regret that had started on Crait had only grown stronger in the time that had passed. Coupled with Ben’s inability to sleep for stretches longer than an hour, he was running himself ragged.

It was for that reason that when Rey appeared, Ben thought that he was dreaming. When she caught sight of him, the look she gave him was one of warning; ‘ _Don’t say anything’_ was Ben’s kinder interpretation of her expression. Surprising himself, he kept his mouth shut and simply sat back to watch her dance.

He was thankful to be on his own shuttle for this reason. His excuse for leaving the Finalizer had been to find a new ship for him to rule from, since the Supremacy had been obliterated beyond repair by Amilyn Holdo, his mother’s childhood friend. He had to hand it to her - that was one bold move, a fitting end for such a memorable, unique woman.

Ben didn’t intend to look for a new ship, at least not immediately. He’d just needed to get away. Hopefully his absence wouldn’t result in a mutiny led by Hux. Perhaps he _should_ invest in a good battleship, if for no other reason than his own safety. It was a reminder not to be gone _too_ long.

Ben was drawn from his thoughts when he sensed someone beside him. His eyes snapped open and he realized he had nearly fallen asleep. He turned his head to the side and saw Rey standing near him, sipping from a glass filled with gold liquid.

“Are you alright?” she asked quietly, pretending like she wasn’t talking to someone who wasn’t there on her end. Ben blinked slowly, her words slowly registering in his sleep-deprived brain. When he didn’t immediately respond, she added, “You look exhausted.”

Ben cleared his throat. “Haven’t been able to sleep,” he admitted. He could imagine what Rey saw, with purple bruising beneath his red, tired eyes and unkempt hair. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw his uncle looming over him, green lightsaber ignited and ready to kill. Otherwise he saw Snoke torturing Rey and himself, and Ben could do nothing to save either of them. When he explained his nightmares about Luke to Rey, Ben looked up to find her empathetic gaze on him. He hadn’t expected to see her look at him with empathy ever again - but this was Rey, quite possibly the most compassionate person in the entire galaxy. Ben suspected that she would empathize even with a giant, monstrous creature that everyone feared.

Rey looked as though she was going to say something to him, but then her head whipped in another direction, like someone had called her name. She gave Ben one last glance over her shoulder, and then they were disconnected.

Ben didn’t roar out his anger at the Force for disconnecting them this time. Instead, he closed his eyes and pretended like Rey was beside him, soothing him into a restful sleep. It almost worked; he dozed for a while in the chair, slumped uncomfortably over the armrest. He could almost feel her fingers carding through his hair, could almost hear her singing to him in a soft voice, urging him into slumber.

He managed to sleep four hours without being woken with another night terror.

It was progress.

* * *

Using the First Order’s excessive funds, courtesy of Snoke, Ben secured a custom ship capable of taking down even a massive Star Destroyer. It was the first of its kind, a dual-purpose warship and cargo shuttle. With the ability to blend in with most other cargo shuttles, it would be easy for enemies to underestimate its military prowess. The perfect ship for a Supreme Leader concerned about his military leading a coup.

Snoke had led the First Order so effortlessly. Everyone _feared_ him. While Ben knew that most feared Kylo Ren, he also knew they doubted his leadership capabilities due to his short temper when he encountered personal failure - even though he had successfully led one of the most feared groups in the galaxy.

If nothing else, at least he had his Knights of Ren. They were spread across the galaxy, keeping tabs on any disobedience by First Order members and listening for news about the remaining Resistance, sending private reports only available to the Knights. He could count on them; they had been with him from the very beginning, at Skywalker’s Temple. They had faith in his leadership, and that was enough for Ben.

Ben was torn. The longer he was away from General Hux and other First Order leaders, the more likely they would plan a successful coup (it was only a matter of time, Ben was certain). Returning now, before his new shuttle was ready, could result in his demise. He may have been one of the most powerful Force users in the galaxy, but he couldn’t beat every First Order officer.

Suddenly, the muffling silence of the Force connection descended upon Ben’s awareness. He didn’t see her until he turned around. She was sitting cross-legged on the ground, examining a broken lightsaber. Wait...that was-

Rey looked up and met his eyes. After a moment of consideration, she spoke. “You look like you’ve gotten more sleep.”

Ben shrugged. “Some. Intermittently.”

She bit her lip, glancing down to the saber in her lap. That broken lightsaber - it had to be his grandfather’s. He realized belatedly that she had assembled the materials to build a new lightsaber, and that he could actually _see_ them. Was the Force connection growing stronger? It was a sick twist of fate if it was. Perhaps it was trying to tell them something.

“What happened to the lightsaber?” he asked carefully. The last time he had seen it, Skywalker had been wielding it on the salt field of Crait. Or so Ben had thought at the time. In reality, his uncle had projected it to manipulate Ben, just like everyone else tried manipulating him.

Rey didn’t look up when she explained, “It was broken when I woke up on Snoke’s ship. The Force must have split it when we fought over it. I’ve been trying to fix it, maybe even turn it into my own saber, but perhaps it’s a sign that it’s time to let this one go.” She huffed in annoyance and set the materials on the ground.

“No!” Ben said, his tone sharper than he intended. “No, the crystals can be mended. That kyber crystal has such history - it should be saved.”

“I thought it was time to let old things die,” Rey said in an irritated voice, turning his own words against him.

Ben bit back a sigh of annoyance. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it,” he said. He knew he sounded grumpy, but he couldn’t help his frustration. “There’s no use in wasting a good kyber crystal. That’s the real thing, and I think all you’d be able to find otherwise would be a synthetic crystal, unless you took the time to hunt for kyber crystal caverns. Those seem to be uncommon these days.”

Ben had spent months researching ancient saber models and refitting his old Jedi saber. In his desperation to prove himself to Snoke, he had imbued his blue crystal with the Dark side until it had bled. He’d poured so much anger and Force into it that it had cracked, resulting in his red, unstable blade. He’d left it cracked, deciding it was an accurate reflection of himself.

Rey looked at the split crystals with an expression of doubt. “How can I fix these? The texts aren’t very clear….” She trailed off, realizing she had said more than she meant to. Before Ben could ask, she admitted, “When I found Luke, I also found several ancient Jedi texts. Luke wasn’t willing to teach me the way of the Jedi, but the knowledge within these books...I couldn’t let them go. I smuggled them onto the Falcon before I left. I’ve been translating and deciphering them ever since. I just can’t seem to find anything about fixing a split kyber crystal.”

The frustrated look on Rey’s face made something stir in Ben’s heart. “I can help you,” he said, surprised by the strong conviction in his voice. Truthfully, he hadn’t felt this unstable - one foot planted in the Dark, one in the Light - since he killed his father. If that deed had split his spirit to the bone, then Rey had positively crushed his bones to dust.

Rey was understandably doubtful about his offer. “How?” She asked, meeting his eyes. He got the feeling that with one word, she was asking both how she could trust him, and how he could truly help her. He wanted - no, _needed_ \- to prove to her that he was on her side. And maybe he needed to prove to himself that he was on her side, too.

It was that thought that had him telling her all about lightsaber construction, including how he built his. He explained that his crystal had cracked, and that he’d decided not to try to fix it, which was why the blade of his lightsaber was unstable. He explained that even if they couldn’t find a way to heal the crystals, they could at least get them to function.

Rey still seemed doubtful about the entire ordeal, saying, “I don’t know if this will work. I think I will do some research for backup options, just in case this one doesn’t work.” Ben was about to snap that _Of course it would work_ , but she was one step ahead of him in the conversation. “Thank you for your help, Ben,” she said quietly. Ben couldn’t help the relief that flooded through him at hearing her say his name.

Ben settled down next to her, his back against the wall of the shuttle, and accessed his datapad. It held digital scans of all of his research; if there was an answer for how to heal a cracked kyber crystal, he was certain that they would find it. They worked in companionable silence, occasionally reading bits of information that they found interesting or informative.

Over an hour into their research, Rey began to hum to herself. At first, Ben simply smiled, wondering if she knew she was singing. Then he froze, realizing that he’d heard this voice before on this very shuttle - singing him to sleep, fingers carding through his hair. Looking at Rey in wonder, Ben suddenly felt a flicker of hope ignite within him. Perhaps if she had truly been there through their Force connection, singing him to sleep, it meant that he had a chance….

Hope. Just an ember, a kernel of it, but it was enough. If he nurtured it, who knew what could grow from it.

* * *

Never would Ben have guessed that he and Rey would rekindle their kinship through mending kyber crystals. They had both managed to be level-headed and non-confrontational the last two Force sessions. Through Rey’s translations from a small, nondescript note in a Jedi text, they’d managed to figure out how to heal cracked crystals. Rey first mended the two halves of his grandfather’s kyber crystal, both waiting with bated breath to see if it worked. The crystal, once blue, had faded to its original clear color, and it clearly looked less rough, like it had only recently been harvested from a kyber crystal cavern.

Ben worked on healing the crack in his own saber’s crystal while Rey was busy constructing her own custom saber hilt. She didn’t tell him her intention with it, but Ben knew without a doubt that it would work. During their work together, she’d explained her history of puzzling through computers and flight simulators and mechanics and languages while raising herself on Jakku. She was truly one of the smartest, most brilliant people that Ben had ever met, and he felt guilty for underestimating her.

“Aha!” Rey crowed one day. Ben, who was still struggling with healing his kyber crystal while sitting in the middle of his shuttle floor, looked up to see one of Rey’s radiant smiles gracing her face. He knew that this smile was one of self-satisfaction and not directed at him, but it still resulted in him feeling flutters in his gut. She held up her completed saber hilt.

“Is that a saberstaff?” he asked, giving her a small, pleased smile. Her eyes lit up in reaction to him (possibly over his smile; this might have been the first time he ever smiled at her), and she nodded.

She stood and took a deep breath. “Here goes,” she said, and ignited it. Twin blades emerged, both a brilliant, glowing white. “Whoa,” she said in response, and Ben echoed the sentiment. He’d only heard of one other Force user with a saber like this - the ex-Jedi Ahsoka Tano, his grandfather’s former padawan.

When Ben said as much, Rey asked, “But the crystal wasn’t red. It was blue. Er, clear. Why did it become white?”

Ben could only hazard a guess. “It’s the will of the Force,” he said.

Rey tested it out, twirling it around in her hands and practicing some of her familiar staff forms. Then she surprised him by twisting the hilt of the staff, triggering a locking mechanism and splitting the hilt apart into dual sabers. His jaw dropped, and Rey grinned in excitement. She practiced wielding her blades for several minutes before uniting the hilts and relocking them, forming a single staff again.

“Did you learn how to do that from your Jedi books?” Ben asked, truly curious as to where she got the idea for such a weapon. He stood up, walking over to where Rey was still examining her new lightsaber in wonder.

Rey shook her head. “No, I designed it myself. I knew about saberstaffs from one of the texts, but I didn’t want to be limited in my weaponry. It was nice wielding a blade like Anakin’s. Now I can have it both ways!” She grinned up at him again, that smile that he adored so much.

“You are incredible,” was all Ben could say in response.

Rey positively preened.

* * *

The next several Force sessions (at least, the ones where they were alone, though it was more of a problem for Rey than Ben, since he had isolated himself on his shuttle while they were still finishing up his custom ship) were spent as lessons for Rey to practice fighting opponents with her new saberstaff. Rey was certainly capable of self-defense, a skill required to survive the harsh living conditions of Jakku, but she could benefit with some practice at strategizing during a fight. She wouldn’t always be able to angrily charge her way through a battle. Survival instincts were not enough, especially not against the might of the First Order.

Rey had clearly been practicing between Force connections, because she vastly improved every session. One particular move had Rey hauling Ben onto his ass, dual sabers crossed at his neck, leaving him dazedly staring up at her.

Feeling simultaneously embarrassed that he had fallen for a rookie mistake, but also proud at Rey’s skill acceleration, Ben decided to try teaching her a much more complicated method of self-defense. He was showing her a trick to disarming an opponent standing behind you when they paused. They were flush against each other, pressed together in a way that Ben had only ever dreamed about, and then suddenly became flustered.

“Excellent,” he said, even though her attempt had been mediocre at best. She just needed to practice, but Ben knew that if she was ever pressed against him like that again, he would do something that he would regret. However, he was pleased to find that he wasn’t the only one feeling this way. Her cheeks were colored with a beautiful, rosy blush.

Ben was relieved when Rey requested a pause in their sparring to get a drink of water.

“Why are you helping me?” Rey asked him suddenly, her tone curious. She smirked and added, “It just means I’m going to crush the First Order in battle.”

“Maybe I want you to,” Ben admitted slowly. A glimmer of excitement flashed in Rey’s eyes. It was a look that made dread settle in his stomach like lead. He knew where her train of thoughts was heading.

As if on cue, she said, “Ben, please, come home to us. It’s not too late.” He had turned his back on her before she even finished the sentence. He didn’t want her entertaining this idea, because it was far too late, and this wasn’t his goal. _Rey_ was the galaxy’s last hope, not Ben. He was just  playing his part to prepare her for this reality.

“Rey,” Ben sighed. She tried interrupting him, not liking his reaction, but Ben stopped her. “No. I will not join the Resistance. That is not my place. My place is here, helping you become the hero you were meant to be.”

She was silent. It was enough for him to wonder if the Force had disconnected them, but he turned around and there she was, standing near the ‘fresher door on his shuttle.

“Why can’t you accept that you have a place by my side, fighting for the galaxy?” Rey asked, face scrunching up in frustration. His heart warmed at her words, but knew that they were not true. He could never be by her side, not truly. The taste he got in Snoke’s throne room, when they had fought his Praetorian guards together, had been too good to be true.

After a long sigh, Ben said, “No, Rey. That’s not my role in this war. You are the last hope for the galaxy, Rey. My role is to help prepare you for the battles that are to come.” Rey turned her back on him, clearly not liking his words.

“I never wanted this,” Rey said in a low voice several minutes later. Ben looked up and watched several tears track their way down her cheeks. “I never wanted any of it. I don’t want this responsibility. I just want to be….” she trailed off, wiping the tears from her cheeks.

“Normal?” Ben supplied. “I know the feeling.”

“There’s still hope for you, Ben,” Rey said, disappointment radiating from her in waves. “You just don’t know it yet.”

With that, the Force disconnected them, leaving Ben standing near the window of his shuttle. A sudden rumble alerted Ben that it was storming outside. Rain pelted sideways against the window; it had been ages since he had seen such weather. The connection had muffled his surroundings, a protective cocoon against the harsh weather outside. How very fitting, Ben thought darkly, that the storm seemed to reflect his thoughts.

Deciding he’d had enough of this planet, Ben punched open the loading ramp and stalked out of the shuttle, prepared to intimidate the workers into hurrying their pace. He needed an out for his restless frustration at Rey’s neverending hope that he would abandon his position of power and join the Resistance.

He was the Supreme Leader, after all. Nobody could tell him what to do but himself, and he was _not_ joining the Resistance. Not even when he was planning on eventually dismantling his own position of power. People had told him what to do his entire life: _become a politician like your mother. Become a Jedi like your uncle. Become a Dark side user like your grandfather._

Never again would he allow someone to be his puppeteer.

_Never again._

* * *

 

Ben was drawn from sleep slowly. The warm, calm feeling of being with someone that cared for him transformed into a feeling of cold isolation. But it wasn’t Rey that Ben had dreamed about, Ben realized as he blinked into awareness. Rubbing sleep from his eyes, he glanced at the view outside of the bunk window in his new shuttle.

_Grandfather._

That was who he had dreamed about. Not Darth Vader, but the man behind the mask. The one who had fallen so deeply in love with his grandmother that he gave into the Dark Side to protect her. The one who saved his son from the Emperor. The memory of the dream was fuzzy, and slipping away from his grasp like water in cupped hands. He only retained one word, one place from the dream: Naboo. He had to go to Naboo.

Not bothering to put on a shirt - he was a crew of one, after all, so decency didn’t matter - Ben made his way to the pilot seat. He had to look up the coordinates for the planet; he’d never visited it, only heard stories from people who’d known his grandmother, Padmé. He wished he could have known her. He wondered what might have happened if she had survived. His grandfather had failed her.

Ben was determined to never fail Rey like Anakin had failed Padmé.

Setting the course on autopilot, Ben retrieved the cracked kyber crystal that he had still failed to mend and set to work. He finally understood what needed to be done.

The streets of Theed were bustling in the midday sun, but Ben still stood out like a sore thumb: he was the only person wearing simple, solid black clothing. Everyone else wore rich, bright colors, reflecting the still-existing wealth of the region. Some of the current fashions were on display in shop windows, flaunting expensive, intricately woven designs that even make Ben pause.

Then Ben noticed someone standing outside of one such shop across the street, eyeing a soft blue gown with green and violet needlework floral patterns. He froze.

“Rey?” Ben said hesitantly, and Rey whipped around to face him.

For a moment, her face scrunched up in...frustration? Anger? Then her expression softened, her anger a little less sharp. She didn’t respond at first. Was she with someone? Ben realized belatedly that he had called out to someone who nobody else could see, yet received no strange looks. He approached her, trying to decide what he wanted to say to her.

“Not now, Ben,” Rey sighed.

“Wait…” Ben said, realization dawning on him. “Rey, listen,” he said, motioning to his surroundings. The telltale audible muffling that signalled a Force connection was nonexistent. He could hear his surroundings just as well as before Rey appeared. Which meant...

“You’re here,” he breathed, and Rey’s eyes widened as the realization hit her, too. “You’re really here, on Naboo.”

And then, despite their differences, despite their last argument, despite being so-called enemies on opposites sides of the war, it was as though all was forgiven. She threw her arms around Ben’s middle, pressing her face against him, and mumbled what sounded like, “I missed you, you idiot.”

Ben chuckled and slowly circled his arms around Rey. It had been so long since he had hugged another person. He tightened his grip on her, unwilling to stop touching her just yet. Eventually they released each other simultaneously, though Rey merely slid one hand into Ben’s. He gripped it tightly with his own.

“Come on,” she said. “Let’s go for a walk.”

They walked the streets the rest of the afternoon, both refusing to stop holding hands, as though they were afraid that letting the other go would make all of this untrue. Eventually both of their stomachs began to rumble, so they made their way to a terrace restaurant overlooking the river. They stuffed themselves with delicious, unfamiliar foods, and Ben recounted stories he’d heard about his grandmother.

“Does that mean you’re a prince?” Rey said, smiling goofily.

“Technically I’m a prince twofold, because my m- Leia was a princess on Alderaan before the planet was destroyed by the Empire.”

“No wonder you think you’re entitled to becoming Supreme Leader,” she said with a wink, good-naturedly. Ben rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t stop being pleased with how well they were getting along.

The sky was beginning to grow dark when they left the restaurant, wandering in the general direction of Ben’s ship. Deciding that they’d avoided the topic long enough, Ben finally asked, “Rey, what are you doing on this planet, of all places?”

Rey furrowed her brow thoughtfully. “Something told me I needed to be here. I think it was a dream? I can’t really remember it now, but I do think there was a small, beautiful, kind woman. I think she was wearing a fashion that I didn’t recognize, I vaguely remember an ostentatious dress. And flowers. She had flowers in her dark hair. Oh, I don’t know....”

Ben froze in place. “Rey,” he said, voice slightly strained. “I think you and I received similar dreams. I had a dream about my grandfather and woke with the feeling that I needed to go to Naboo. And I think...I think you dreamt of Padmé.”

It hit him with sudden clarity. Before he could second-guess himself, before he could change his mind, Ben unhooked his saber hilt from his belt and knelt on one knee in front of Rey. She looked alarmed by his behavior.

“Rey,” he said, looking up at her with both desperation and hope in his eyes. “I believe our paths crossed for a reason. I was wrong before, it isn’t only up to you to bring balance to the Force. It would seem that it is up to _both_ of us to complete this task. It will not be easy, but if you will allow me, I will remain by your side while we do so.” He paused for a breath. His pulse was thrumming with nerves. He briefly closed his eyes, collecting himself.

“Rey,” he finally spoke. He turned his saber hilt so that the blade faced the ground and ignited it. Rey’s stunned gasp had him snapping his gaze up to her. She was staring at his lightsaber, and Ben could see its smooth, white reflection in her eyes. Heart in his throat, he continued, “Rey, I pledge fealty to you. I will go where you go. I will stay by your side until you will me away, or until death parts us. I reject the role of Supreme Leader so that we can bring balance to the galaxy.”

Ben trailed off, unsure of what else to say. He was never eloquent with words like his mother; that was a trait passed onto him by his father. He turned his eyes downcast, unable to bear the weight of Rey’s judgement.

Just when Ben was about to lose hope, just when Ben thought Rey was rejecting him again, a small hand appeared in his line of vision. He looked up at it and realized Rey was offering it to him. He met her eyes. They were glossy with unshed tears. Ben took her hand, shutting off his saber and standing at full height.

“Don’t fail me again, Ben,” Rey whispered.

“I won’t,” Ben promised, his tone urgent. He clipped his saber to his belt and took Rey’s other hand in his empty one. “I won’t,” he repeated, holding onto her hands like a lifeline.

Rey had accepted his fealty. The seed of hope that had settled in his chest bloomed.

* * *

His mother was alive.

He hardly believed it. He had been certain that she’d died when the First Order had blasted the command deck. He hadn’t even sensed her on Crait, though he suspected that was because Luke Skywalker’s presence had upset him so thoroughly, triggering some of Ben’s worst memories. He had been blinded to all else.

Ben was thankful that he’d been sitting down when Rey let this truth bomb drop.

“We should meet with her,” Rey encouraged, taking his hand where it was resting on his lap. She wove her fingers through his, squeezing his hand gently. Ben looked around his empty ship, thinking of his foolish plans to bring peace to the galaxy. His way never would have worked. But neither would the Resistance have been successful. It was up to him and Rey to figure things out together.

But meeting up with his mother, for the first time in over a decade? The idea terrified him. She would hate him. She would punish him. She would be so, so disappointed in him.

As though Rey could read his mind, she said softly, “Ben, your mother would be so proud of you if you came home to her. Even after...even after Han she had hope for you.”

Ben sincerely doubted this, but then again, hope had always been a driving factor for his mother. Maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t too late for him.

“Okay,” he said, still somewhat hesitant. “Let’s meet her on a neutral planet.” Rey smiled in response, and it was one of her grins that brightened her entire face. She lifted their tangled hands to her lips, where she placed a gentle kiss on his knuckles.

He brushed her cheek with his free hand, feeling so utterly thankful that she hadn’t rejected him this time. He’d been wrong during his first offer, his words so terribly cutting. Rey hadn’t had a choice but to say no. He understood this now. He would do his best to never put Rey in that kind of position again.

Rey’s soft brown eyes met with his. She leaned into his careful strokes, smiling gently at him. The words slipped from his mouth before he could stop them. “Did you sing to me and comfort me? Before, when I couldn’t sleep,” he clarified.

Her face became thoughtful. “I did,” she admitted slowly. “It hurt me to see you like that. And I knew you would never make a rational decision feeling like that,” her last words were slightly teasing, but also rang true. What she said next made his chest ache so thoroughly that he worried he was ill.

“I did what I wished someone had done for me growing up alone on Jakku.”

He couldn’t help but lunge forward, his lips grazing hers. Rey inhaled sharply in surprise, but didn’t pull away. To Ben’s immense surprise, Rey responded in kind, her lips moving along with his. Ben had never kissed someone romantically before; he’d only ever placed respectful kisses on the cheeks of relatives, and the occasional peck by his mother when he was very young.

He wasn’t entirely sure what he was doing. His nose kept bumping into hers, and when he opened his mouth to her, their teeth kept getting in the way. When they finally pulled apart to take a breath, they couldn’t help but laugh softly. It had been an awkward first kiss, but it was the kind of awkward where you were completely comfortable with the other person, so it didn’t matter.

“Practice makes perfect,” Rey suggested with a grin. This time she was the one who kissed first.

* * *

Ben was almost certain that he was going to be sick. Rey was in the pilot’s seat of the shuttle, in the process of descending down into the airspace of Tatooine. A vast landscape of sand, much like that of Jakku, awaited them below. Along with his mother.

He had excused himself from the co-pilot seat several minutes before; from the look that she’d given him, he was as visibly ill as he felt. He sat on his bunk, running his hand back and forth through his hair. He wasn’t ready for this. How could he face his mother, when he couldn’t even face himself?

A sudden swooping motion, and the sound of the engines powering down, and Ben guessed that they were on the ground. A quick glance outside of the bunk window confirmed his suspicion.

Rey found him several minutes later, still visibly ill and nervous. She sat beside him on the bunk, resting her forehead against his shoulder. She was a reassuring presence that helped steady him. That fact alone made swearing fealty to her completely worth it.

“Everything will be okay,” she murmured. The conviction in her voice made him almost believe her.

If he was being honest, he still had a hard time believing that all of this was real. That Rey had accepted him, that he was free to make his own decisions, that the Force was pushing him and Rey together for a reason. Ben expected to snap awake aboard the Supremacy, Snoke zapping him with Force lightning for defying him. But Snoke was dead. He couldn’t hurt him anymore. He couldn’t control him anymore.

He was free. He was free to be whoever he wanted to be. Looking down at the crown of Rey’s head, which was still resting on his shoulder, he realized that he was exactly where he needed to be.

“Okay,” he said, his voice rasping slightly. He cleared his throat. Rey looked up at him, eyes still soft. Ben continued, “Okay, let’s go.”

Leia, it turned out, did not know that Ben was here. Or rather, Rey had not told her that he would  be. She’d only told Leia that they needed to meet in neutral territory, for there was someone very important that Leia needed to meet with. Ben could sense her if he reached out with the Force. He wondered if she sensed him, too.

Rey gave him a onceover. She quickly flattened his hair, which was all over the place thanks to Ben incessantly running his hand through it. He was dressed in Naboo daywear, per Rey’s suggestion. Seeing Kylo Ren stepping out onto the ground would have been all too alarming, so Rey thought that putting him in less conspicuous clothes would help reduce the anxiety in the situation. Ben wasn’t so sure, but it had been pointless to argue with her.

He was picking his way across the field of sand, Rey moving with the ease of someone who had learned how to walk across the unsteady substance at a young age, when he saw her. He felt his heart stop and then quicken. Leia was standing just outside of the Millennium Falcon’s ramp, with a man Ben belatedly recognized from childhood standing right beside her. Lando, his father’s old friend.

Even his palms were sweating, his nerves becoming rattled long before he reached his mother. Rey took his hand in hers, squeezing it once in reassurance. Ben wanted to say something to her, but his mouth was far too dry.

Leia moved then, placing one hand over her mouth and the other over her heart. They still weren’t within speaking distance, but they were close enough to see each other and know for certain that they were staring at a long-lost loved one. She was really here. She was alive and unharmed. Ben stopped in his tracks, trying to catch his breath. His chest suddenly felt tight.

Rey let go of his hand and gripped his arm.  “Go to her,” Rey encouraged him gently.

He didn’t know how he did it, but somehow he managed to reach her, pausing only a few steps away from his mother. Leia’s eyes were glossy with unshed tears; she was staring at the face of her son for the first time in his adult life.

“Have you come home to me, Ben?” she asked, her voice wavering.

“If you can ever forgive me,” Ben said, eyes misting and throat closing up. He dropped to his knees, hanging his head in shame. “I’m so sorry, mother,” he said, his breath catching. Tears began to escape, trickling down his cheeks and dripping onto the sand beneath him.

Two gentle hands settled on his cheeks, forcing him to look up. Leia swiped away the tears with her thumbs. “Stand up, my son,” she whispered. Ben obeyed, standing slowly. He towered over her at full height. She traced one hand down the scar Rey had left on his face back on Starkiller Base.

“Rey told me that someone important in the First Order had sworn fealty to her and abandoned that cause. Someone who I needed to meet. Someone whose lightsaber had gone from red to white. Someone who could change the tide of the war and bring peace to the galaxy. I had hoped...but I hadn’t dared imagine…” she closed her eyes, the unshed tears finally falling. “Luke was right,” Leia said, and Ben flinched at the mention of Skywalker. She continued, “He was right about you. His last words to me, when I was prepared to believe that you were gone from me forever, were, ‘ _No one’s ever really gone._ ’”

“I’m sorry,” Ben said, face twisting. “I’m so sorry. For everything.”

Leia smiled. “That’s all I needed to hear,” she said. She opened her arms like she did when he was young and seeking comfort from her. He bent down to wrap his arms around her, burying his face against her shoulder. They stayed like that for several minutes. He could hear Rey introducing herself to Lando, could hear her chatting with the few Resistance members that came with Leia, leading them slightly away. He would thank her for that later.

He was being held by his mother for the first time since he was very little. Oh, how he had missed her. He’d told himself he hated her, that she hated him, but he was so very wrong. He had been so wrong about everything. He would spend however long it took atoning for it, mending and bring balance to the galaxy with Rey.

Eventually Leia needed to sit down so she reluctantly let go of him to return to the Millennium Falcon. Rey took her place.

“How are you doing?” she asked, face unreadable.

Ben’s emotions were all over the place, a tornado wreaking havoc on a city, but he knew that he would be okay with time. Rey was by his side and his mother had forgiven him. Ben leaned down and placed a quiet kiss on Rey’s lips. She responded, making a pleased humming sound and circling her arms around his neck. When she finally pulled away from him, she was smiling gently up at him. The twin suns were setting, casting a pinkish glow over the landscape. It made the freckles dusting across Rey’s nose stand out, and he couldn’t resist placing a quick kiss on them.

“Why don’t we go sit with them for a while?” Rey suggested, nodding towards the open ramp of the Falcon. Her tone was careful, like she needed to walk on eggshells around him. She tangled her fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck, and he resisted the urge to groan from the feeling.

“Okay,” he replied, finding that the idea did not cause him to feel any dread. Rey removed her arms from around his neck and took his hand in hers, lacing their fingers together. They walked side-by-side into the Falcon, where Leia’s laughter could be heard in response to something Lando said.

The ghosts of the past didn’t haunt Ben this time when he took in the sight of his father’s ship. Rey squeezed his hand, reminding him of her solid, reassuring presence. They approached Leia, Lando, and the crew where they were sitting around the Dejarik table. They quieted for a moment, but then Leia waved them over and encouraged them to have a seat.

Before they did, Ben said slowly, "There's something else." All eyes snapped to Ben, the majority of the looks distrustful. Before their imaginations ran too wild, Ben continued, "I've transferred all of the First Order's excessive funds into a separate bank account for the Resistance to use. Rey has the account information. The First Order is officially broke, at least for a while."

He could have heard a pin drop, the silence was so deafening. Then everyone was cheering and whistling, Lando yelling, "HA! You ARE Han's son!" while grinning with mirth. Leia was smiling wider than he had seen since he was a small child, a look of pride in her eyes.

After the joyous sound was reduced to the chatter of plotting, Ben and Rey settled onto the floor beside Leia, who was sitting at the edge of the booth. She placed a loving hand on his head, carding her fingers through his unruly hair. He closed his eyes, still in disbelief that he wasn’t dreaming. Ben would never be able to thank the Force enough for Rey.

He was where he needed to be. He was home.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this! Happy Valentine's Day! Find me on tumblr at forcebondedreylo.
> 
> The title is from the song "So Far" by Ólafur Arnalds. I actually also made a small playlist to go along with this, which you can listen to [here](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLRqLJhGAWxxj9p6kwuK3eV9V98VBaCuJG).
> 
> I had to add in a Leia/Ben reunion, since we likely won't be getting one in IX. I needed the closure.


End file.
